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Let’s Debunk Senior Vegan Marathon Runner Couple

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As we enter the New Year of Awesomeness, my daily news feed came across several things that I hate the most:

1. vegans

Slightly Less Annoying Than Real Vegans
Slightly Less Annoying Than Real Vegans

2. marathons

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the guy on the left is experiencing the runner's high, unlike the sucker on the right
the guy on the left is experiencing the runner’s high, unlike the sucker on the right

3. vapid journalists, regurgitating press releases.

salt is good for you.
Everything we just said is garbage.

So, here we go.  The gist:

Janette Murray-Wakelin, 64, and her husband Alan Murray, 68, of Melbourne, Australia set the new world record when they finished their 366th marathon on January 1, 2014.

Get it, wow.  Senior Vegan Marathon Runner Couple.  And they did it on vegan power.  Suck it, carnivores.

The real headline should be “Scientist Determine Maximum Zombie Mobility at 26 Miles a Day” because these two are basically scouring the world, looking for braaaaainnns. And they look undead.

Just a FYI, there appears to be only one stock picture that has been shared among the cut-n-paste media:

vegan marathon runners unhealthy
Viola. Health.

Interestingly, Mrs. Murray had cancer.  What I find very lucky about her is that she managed to beat it on a vegan diet.  As we all know, vegan diets are high carb diets that feed cancer cells because cancer cells love them some sugar.  Thus, you have easily defeated cancers killing poor vegans.  Very tragic.  Some people get suckered into this pseudo-science, religious-ish lifestyle.

So, if you were to believe what the story wants you to believe:  The lovely couple ran 26.2 miles every day for 366 days. While being vegan.

Of course, they did no such thing.  Oh, they did something, apparently for 366 days in a row*.  That thing they did was called “walking”.

Let’s read the important part of the story.  You have to read between the lines by what people choose to report. Their daily routine is this:

4am wake up

5am begin run

4pm end run.

Got that?  that’s an 11 hour marathon.  That is a pace of about 2.4 mph.   “Ah“, you may say…”but they’re brisk walking..speed walking.  It’s what old folks do.”  No, you fool.  They are being sold as running.  Not walking.  Second, here’s what a quick search finds:

“the average human walking speed is about 5.0 kilometres per hour (km/h), or about 3.1 miles per hour (mph).”

And they take breaks.  They eat food during this time.  And you know they take other, ah, pitstops.

“eating 10 bananas, a grapefruit, and a date smoothie for breakfast, then another 10 bananas at 8am, a green smoothie at 9am, a fruit salad at the 19-mile mark, three oranges at the 23-mile mark, before finishing at 4pm and eating an avocado, vegetable juice and a salad for dinner.”

So, their meals are:

breakfast 10 bananas 

second breakfast green smoothie

fruit salad at 19 miles

three oranges at 23 miles

avocado, veggie juice, salad for dinner.

Basically, they’re on a sugar drip throughout the day.  They get a wee bit of protein and fat from their sad little avocado; and then they hopefully get 8 hours of sleep to repeat their horrifying death march.

And it is a sugar drip.   One anti-banana zealot notes that bananas are basically nature’s candy.

“Ripe bananas, Robinson says, are not only low in beta-carotene (Vitamin A), but they have a high glycemic index—which makes eating one like consuming a piece of cake. “Bananas are the last thing I would advise people to eat 30 a day of,” says Robinson. It’s a food she actually recommends that those aiming for weight loss stay away from.”

So, hmmn, high glycemic index, high work load?  What does that mean?  A lot of rest breaks to eat more candy…er food.  And very little muscle growth because your body is going insane looking for calories.  So, it cannibalizes your fat and, more importantly, your organs and muscles.

Furthermore, an all fruit diet has other problems.  Basically, fruit’s sugar is all fructose, and a high fructose diet is bad.

 eating very large amounts – or worse, nothing but fruit – can logically increase your risk of a number of health conditions, from insulin and leptin resistance to cancer.”

How many calories were our walking dead burning? 26.2 times slow pace walking is about (at perhaps 60cal/mile because these two are no exactly going fast and they weight about as much as a cat) 1596 calories a day.  I would cut off 10% because the more you do a repetitive boring movement, the more efficient you become.  So, let’s say they burned 1500 calories a day.  This is over the course of 11 hours.  So, say their total calories expended is about 2100 because the only other thing they do is sleep the sleep of the undead.

a banana has about 75 calories.  they ate 10.  that’s 750 calories.  Leaving 1250 calories to be gained from an avocado (300), a “fruit salad” and vegetables.

That’s it.  That’s nothing.

The end result? Baby stepping your way into the grave.

vegan marathon runners unhealthy
Viola. Health.

So, they’re old, you say.  They’re only 64 and 68.  Well, let’s look around the Net for stories of other old people.  Old people are great, when they do things…people take note of it.  For example, here’s a 75 year old body builder. follow the link, there’s no pics, just a video.  I bet she looks healthier than these two.

So, let’s review.

do they “run marathons”?  No.

Are they vegans? Sure.  Whatever.  They live off a constant drip of fructose as they walk along Australia.

If they were approached by a pack of dingoes, would they make a good meal for said dingoes?  No.

Is being a vegan healthy? No.

Remember, Chicken isn’t vegan.  

So, are they great athletes, powered by naturally good, raw food while the rest of us meat eaters are condemned to cruel quick deaths? No, you fools.

 

* UPDATE it seems that these marathon “runners” managed to run a few marathons while traveling on planes, or so the rumor mill goes.

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